Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Dead Returns

This should be an interesting way to announce my return from inactivity. :) No proof reading so just enjoy the damn thing. Am going with the flow...

I made it back. Its been so long, i feel like i actually need to reconnect with you beautiful living creatures of nature once more. But i'll just walk around you all like i always do, with none of you knowing am actually there. Watching you all go about your merry and devious businesses, never stopping to ask yourselves if anyone is actually watching. If by chance some mystical being unknown to you or the people around you...will some day judge you for these actions. It has always being said that there are things that we cannot explain in our lives. Things that go even way beyond that which is paranormal, i for one was once an unbeliever in such stories...But now...well i am dead and yet i am still here aren't i? If i still exist i wonder if there truly is a God? Though i am yet to see him and i coulda sworn he was supposed to have judged me already. But maybe...maybe this is his judgement? Maybe he has left me here to walk with these creatures that i now feel are so wretched in their ways, yet sadly i was one of them. My thoughts begin to trail away as i begin my sad yet on some occassions amusing routine. Where i had been all this time i can't for the life of me remember anymore, it is the way the dead live...and for that i am grateful. I begin phasing in and out of houses as i float through the skies in search of anything to at least give me something to occupy my meaningless, timeless, world...A couple in bed, the man cuffed and gagged, the woman with stilettos and a whip...A man being strangled to death by his own son while he watches as he's wife and his 12 year old daughter are being raped...A young boy accidently realising the joy of rubbing on his own privacy...A priest begging for deliverance from God for all men and woman...A little girl about to steal from her mom's purse...But this one seems to interest me the most, and so i stay.

I smile as i watch the little girl steal her first stash from her mom's purse while she's away. I could sense her emotions boarding a roller coaster and preping for the joyous ride to come. And no sooner had they put on the safety bars did the ride begin. Guilt, joy, euphoria, fear, suspicion, they all bump into each other as the ride goes faster and twists, turns, and loops around the track. She hastily stashes the money in her pocket and for a moment attempts to actually pull it back out to return it. My smile is only for a moment...She changes her mind and runs for the door, all these emotions still safely pinned on the ride. I watch as she opens the door to head outside but is paused by the return of her mother. All emotions but one bail out of the ride, how they'll survive i dare not ask. I glare into her soul trying to see which emotion remained so fastened on the made me smile as it became clearer...i wondered why i even needed to view so deep to was fear. Always so adamant in matters like this. Her eyes were wider than usual, her body was so frozen even her mother could tell something was wrong. She scanned the room trying to figure out what happened that would make her 9 year old daughter so frightened of her. Everything was as it was supposed to be, her dress, make up kit, drawers, lockers, bed, everything were all in the right position. She stared at a her daughter with a combination of suspicion and curiousity. I phased out of the room as i knew the questions would begin shortly. Whatever the outcome in this point in this young child's life would determine her future and her character at that. I dare not intrude on such critical scenes in peoples life...if there was ever a code we beseached, berifed, and debodied creatures followed. This would be a key point in such a code...but alas it does not...and as such i am usually tempted to see everything. And sadly today was that day, as i phased back into the room. I watched as her mother sat on her bed teary eyed wondering what to do with her daughter most likely. For within her hands was a large sum of money...from the looks of it i would say at least 50 large. What she was going to use this to do at such a tender age...i had no idea. The little girl stood rigidly, her eyes fixed at her mother's, her hands choking the life out of her dress.

I smile at the sight of all this and realise i had forgotten the beauty that is within the system of nature. For even though they know not that they are being watched, even though they commit such ridiculous things without the need to question themselves regarding it, feeling that they can't be judged if not seen. They usually are, not by those unseen but by those quite visible. By their laws, morals, and government. By all that they hold dear to them, and if by chance that doesn't work...then maybe some day...i'll have to show them what it feels be truly judged.

Hope you all enjoyed the read...more to come as i do have stories to actually tell regarding whats happening in my life.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Ain't Sundays Beautiful...

Its sunday!
Yes, yes...the boring day begins. Its funny how sundays just always have to be boring. I can't get over it, every sunday i am forced to go to church and listen to those precious words from a bible that people like us wrote. Yes! I said it! But anyways, though quite inspiring and all that its just boring to me...i mean i get it. Love, love, love. Oh and those 10 commandents that just so happen to be in every government law system. But anyways, we'll leave that for another day. I find myself always cleaning up my place on this day and today was no no exception...well except for me finding my old poem/rant book that i had 10 years ago. Guess today was fruitful. I went through it amused and the things i had written back then and decided i would at least post 1 or 2 poems (i guess thats what they should be called, was never much of a poet so i never considered them as such). So here is one of them...hope you enjoy it.

Oh and Unnaked soul...i'll try coming up with something for you on that creation thingy. Though i gotta admit, your really torturing me with it.

Trials Of Space

We can always call, she said
Send mails, emails, or even chat online
It doesn't have to end because am not here
My love will always be the same
Untouched, unwavering, and only for you.

But yet when she left
When she hugged, kissed, and said the goodbyes
When i waved, smiled, and watched the plane fly
I knew, i felt it, things just wouldn't be the same.

The first day was as though she was still with me
The first week was when i felt her physical presence begin to fade
Her smiles, her laughters...
Her frowns, her cries...
The warmth of her body next to mine as we cuddled.

The first month was when it began
The questions...
The images...
Who was she with when i called her
Who made her laugh while i spoke to her
Why didn't she call the other day
She might be with someone, they wouldn't be good together...or would they?
The love was no longer only for me.

If only i had said NO! firmly
If only i had told her how i truly felt about it
This is not going to work out
Its time i called her again
Its been a whole week already
Time to end this distance love-war
Time to surrender to the questions and images...

Yeeaaaahhhh.......what tha hell?! Thank God for growth and experience...:)